Special report to the HumanistDad Blog
The Glory of Jesus Appears In Man's Toilet
Carole Rose Andersen-Polata
A man has refused to flush his toilet after seeing the image of Jesus in it. Paul Orland Oderkirk, 48, from Ontario has had a steady stream of onlookers coming by his house and asking to go into his bathroom. "It's all a bit overwhelming," says Oderkirk, a long-haul truck driver, "people keep knocking on the door and offering money to see it."
According to Oderkirk, the image appeared shortly after eating dinner. "I decided to eat some KFC after gettin' back from Idaho over the weekend with my load of corn and I suddenly had a real urge to use the bathroom. I almost didn't get my pants off!" Oderkirk says he sat down just in time and barely had a chance to grab a nearby copy of Playboy when he experienced an life-changing sense of relief. "I remember thinking, 'God that feels good' but, man, the smell started to burn my eyes! That fried chicken seems to come out greasier than it goes in."
Oderkirk said he felt a great shiver after the initial onslaught and is convinced the Holy Spirit entered him right then. "I leaned back against the tank breathed out a great gust of air and found myself wiping a handfull of 2-ply over my forehead 'cause the sweat was starting to run down my face." Feeling a bit dizzy, Oderkirk had to grab onto the towel bar to get himself off. It was when he turned to unroll some toilet paper that he saw the image in the bowl before his eyes, "It was a miracle!"
There, in the bowl, was the image of a praying Jesus. "It weren't no accident either, he even had some whole corn kernels for eyes!" Oderkirk rushed to tell his neighbour, a minister at the local Presbyterian church. "Next time," Oderkirk recalled, "I'll put me pants back on first. The Minister and his wife weren't none too pleased at first."
The Minister, who still goes by his old army name, Sgt. Harry I. Treadbottom says he refused to go with Oderkirk. "There was no way I was going to let some burly half-naked man drag me off to his bathroom to look at an unflushed toilet. I don't care what he says!"
After the police arrived, pictures were taken of the Holy feces and no charges will be brought down upon Oderkirk. However, word has spread of the Holy sighting and Oderkirk is not sure what the future will bring. "All's I can say is that I'm going to need another bathroom in me house since I can't use that one no more."
Oderkirk has not ruled out selling the Holy find on Ebay but he's not sure how to ship it.